Kiss Me Goodbye
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: Established Tiva. It's been two and a half months and Ziva is scared. Can Tony stop her from running away again?


_A/N: Hello again readers! Thanks for keeping tabs on my one-shots and letting me know what you think :) This is just a reminder that in T-5 days (aka: Friday January 20__th__), I will post__** Chapter 1 of Six Months Home, Part 4 from my Remnants of Somalia series**__. I can't wait to start a new journey with you guys, the last one was fabulous and this one is going to be epic, I promise! :) So, feel free to leave me your thoughts on this little story and I'll see y'all at the end of the week. Much love, ~Aliyah_

Two and a half months was all it took for Ziva to realize it wasn't going to work. They were partners. They watched each other's backs, they cared more than they should, they lobbed jealous barbs at any intruder in the other's life like balls at a tennis match. So finally it came down to one question - what were they waiting for?

It was as spontaneous as, 'Let's give this a try and see what happens', and as serious as, 'We have to be okay if it doesn't work out'. Two and a half months - less than ninety days and Ziva David, former Mossad assassin, was scared. Because not only did she and Tony work, they worked too well.

They fit into each other's lives as if they were made to fill that spot. Ziva looked at Tony when he sat beside her and knew that he belonged there. When he kissed her lips or ran his fingers through her hair, Ziva felt like she'd come home. They knew each other inside out - likes, dislikes, favourites, dreams, fantasies and deepest fears.

But too many of their days together had touched on those fears that resided in the untapped well of Ziva's heart. She was afraid to love him this much and lose him. One way or another, she knew there was no way she was allowed to be this happy. Everyone and everything she'd ever loved had disappeared or been taken away, she'd been running from that loss her whole life.

Running into Mossad's waiting arms after her mother's sudden passing and when Ari was sent on his long-term mission for Eli. Running to the open spot on the Kidon team after Tali died, running to NCIS after Mossad's leader had issued a hit on her brother, running to Israel to avoid trying to deal with Tony and the loss of trust in the eyes of her friends after the Michael fiasco. It was all she knew how to do.

**NCIS**

It would've been easier if it had been a normal night. But instead of them curling up on the couch to watch Tony's newest favourite DVD, her boyfriend showed up in a very nice suit with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye that said he knew she'd love what they were going to do.

Under strict instructions, Ziva put on her favourite red dress that fell just to her knees and flared out around her when she spun. Tony then proceeded to take them to a very nice restaurant and out dancing. She knew he did it just for another excuse to hold her close, to touch her with no one else giving it a second thought, to spend an hour staring into her eyes - as if by looking long enough he could see all the way to her heart. The scary part was when she let him see everything, when she stopped hiding and let her gaze tell him everything her words did not.

But Tony was also a fabulous dancer. He complimented her skills and they moved so flawlessly one would wonder if they could read each other's minds. It didn't matter that fifteen minutes after they walked in the door of her apartment, Ziva was in a t-shirt and yoga pants and Tony had changed into sweats, it just mattered that they'd spent the evening with their favourite person and enjoyed every moment.

After a couple hours on the couch nestled against Tony's side with one of his fingers twirling her hair, Ziva had to work much harder than she expected to dredge up the willpower to do what came next. She had contacts all over the world, many of whom Gibbs, her father, and former partner at Mossad had no knowledge of.

She could blend in, disappear, start over somewhere and never let anyone get close again. It killed her, knowing the pain her actions would bring Tony, because he'd proven himself to be a wonderful man and he didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve her darkness.

When she walked Tony to the door that night, Ziva put her hand on his cheek and leaned up to kiss him, softly and slowly. She took her time, not wanting to forget even a nanosecond of how his lips felt on hers, the way he smelled or the tenderness in his touch.

Ziva pulled back to say goodnight and mean goodbye, but the look in Tony's eyes shattered her heart. "What?" she whispered, fearing how much he could see in her brown eyes - the eyes he swore told him all her secrets, and never shut up no matter how much she wanted them to sometimes.

Tony tightened his arms around her and shook his head slowly. "Don't do this Zi," he whispered, "please don't leave."

Shocked, Ziva pushed against him, needing some distance from the pain and desperation in his face. "I do not know what you are talking about."

"Don't you?" Tony asked, staring at her. "I know you Ziva, I've known you for years. I can read you like a book when all everyone else sees is an impenetrable wall. I know you," he repeated. "That wasn't just a kiss, you were kissing me goodbye."

"I cannot...I cannot do this anymore Tony!" she whispered, fighting his hold. Tony finally let go and she backed three steps away. "This..us...it is too good Tony, too happy. I have never..." She paused, trying to find the words to explain this to him. "It will not last and I cannot lose you like that."

Despite her protest, Ziva moved into his space again, drawn like a magnet to the hurt she saw swimming in his gaze. For a moment her body melted against his, their lips finding each other and coming together in a frenzy of passion and love and longing. The yearning in his touch tore at every resolve she'd ever made and her defenses were a heap of rubble around her heart when he broke the kiss.

"Please Tony, let me go," she almost begged.

His eyes hardened and he refused to release her this time. "I won't," he said with finality, knowing that if he let her slip through his fingers now, he'd never have another chance to get her back. "I can't Ziva. You mean too much to me." Tony's thumb brushed her cheekbone. "I love you Ziva David, if you go, I go."

Frustrated, Ziva pushed on his chest, fighting because it was all that was left. "This is not Titanic Tony, you cannot jump with me."

"I'll find you," he promised.

Ziva shook her head. "You would never find me," she insisted.

"Maybe not," he agreed, stroking her cheek with his thumb, "but I'd spend the rest of my life looking. I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, you know that."

A Somalian terror camp flashed into her memory and Ziva thought seriously about hurting him just so she could get out of his grasp. She couldn't think with his warmth surrounding her, his words breaking down every barrier she tried to throw up. "It is not worth...the risk."

"It is, it is Ziva, I promise." Tony kissed her again and Ziva didn't know how to refuse. "What are you afraid of?"

She twisted once more but his grip was determined and Ziva's breath caught, her head falling to his chest of its own accord. "I am afraid of this," she said so quietly he had to lean down to hear it. "I have never had something permanent."

Her tears came then, sobs that shook her body even as her struggle to be free ceased. Tony's arms held her close, his lips whispered comfort and assurances and his heart beat in time with hers. There was no letting go, no going away. They couldn't, because they were stuck together and whether she believed it or not, Tony was sure that what they had would last forever. When Ziva finally looked up, tear tracks on her cheeks, and pressed her lips to his, Tony knew that this kiss did not mean goodbye. Rather, it was the beginning of something that would last.


End file.
